One year ago: Feeling sentimental
Exactly one year ago, I shared my feelings here about the baby’s pending arrival. Noting that I was excited and anxious but also a little sad and nostalgic, I talked about feeling bad that Zoe would soon have to share our attention/love with someone else. And in an earlier post, I shared even more of my worries:
What if I don’t love [the baby] as much as Zoe? (And: how can I possibly love her as much as Zoe?)… What if Zoe feels abandoned, unloved and/or sad after her sister’s arrival? What if I never get to spend quality time with her? What if I always feel a little guilty for disturbing our happy family of three?
One year later, I’m happy to report that most of my these worries melted away soon after Avery’s arrival. Zoe welcomed her sister and I was nuts over Avery from the get-go, and I’ve never felt bad about changing our family from three to four. When I watch Zoe proudly show off Avery to her friends or hear Avery laugh in excitement when Zoe enters the room, I know that we’ve provided each girl with a special gift!
But while I’m generally happy these days, I must admit to feeling a little sad and nostalgic this week. In just two days, Avery will be one year and I find myself (again) reminiscing about the days past. In a weepy moment, I told Q that it was difficult to think about a full year – and a very special one at that – of Avery’s life being over.
Q asked me if I felt bad about Zoe getting older, too. “Not really,” I answered honestly, “Because she keeps getting better and better.” Ever the optimist, Q pointed out that the same would be true of Avery, and I should feel excited about Avery’s future instead of feeling sad about her past. He’s right of course, and I’m sure I’ll get to that place; for now, though, this sentimental mom may shed a tear or two over the 8-pounder she first met 363 days ago.
-M