I don’t often write on this blog about the challenging parts of parenting – for one thing, the bad moments don’t usually last too long; for another, no one wants to hear from a complainer. But, for the sake of historical accuracy, I thought it important to mention that I’ve experienced some tough times these past few weeks. The biggest problem is that both girls often need something at the same time, and I’m forced to choose which child to tend to and which to – at least temporarily – ignore. (Believe me, that’s no fun to do.) Zoe has also been particularly crabby at naptime and bedtime lately – and dealing with all the tears (both hers and the baby’s) usually leaves me emotionally spent. On more than one occasion I’ve thought, “I’m not sure I can do this,” or “Maybe we had our second at the wrong time.”

I felt the effects of caring for two more than usual last week because we took a break from Elena’s, and Zoe was home every day. (Zoe has been going to Elena’s for at least half-days since my maternity leave began. We had decided to keep sending her to keep her routine intact and to give me bonding time with the baby.) I was used to caring for both girls for portions of the day, but I wasn’t prepared, I guess, for the constantness that comes from being with two all day long. On more than a few occasions I’ve felt like a bad mom – for feeling tired and overwhelmed and even sick of one (or both!) of the girls. And, of course, I also felt guilty for not always keeping it together.

As I’ve said here about other topics, I realize that nothing I’m saying or feeling is unique or unusual. And I know I shouldn’t be so tough on myself or feel surprised for feeling frustrated at times: caring for a newborn and toddler, after all, can be very tough! At the same time, this is probably the only time in my life that I’ll have a baby and 2-year-old – and I don’t want to wish the time away. And – when I’m treated to a smile or a hug or an “I love you, Mommy,” I’m reminded, yet again, of why parents deal with this stuff!

-M