The next big step
Most of our recent posts have focused on travel, but there’s something major on the horizon that I haven’t really discussed here: my return to work. After a four-month break, I head back to Stanford on Monday. I’m looking forward to jumping back into things and re-connecting with my colleagues and friends there (thank goodness I love my job!), but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t somewhat sad. Just like Zoe and I once were, Avery and I have practically been inseparable since June 19 (the longest I’ve been apart from her is 3 hours, I think), and I’m really going to miss her constant companionship. I don’t want to idealize maternity leave – the truth is that there have been some really rough moments – and a break from your baby is always a good thing, but I feel like things are just starting to get really good, and the timing of my return is somewhat unfortunate. Now Elena, not me, is the one who will benefit from the sunnier days and from Avery’s smiles and sweet coos.
With that said, I felt the same way when my first maternity leave came to a close (I remember looking at Zoe and just bawling days before I returned to work), and everything turned out fine. Zoe and I quickly got into a groove – I welcomed back the challenges and stimulation of work and Zoe flourished at Elena’s – and we had our Fridays together to look forward to. And looking back, I don’t feel guilty about having worked when Zoe was that small or feel like I missed out on that much. (I totally agree with a magazine article I recently came across on the benefits of a mom’s return to work: “You’re providing for your family, showing baby that moms can wear many hats, and benefiting from a sense of fulfillment that comes with your day job.”) I felt, and still feel, close to Zoe – and I know it will be the same with Avery. It will be an adjustment, I have to remind myself, but we will be fine! And I might not even bawl this time around.
-M