Some thoughts from (a busy) mom
A few thoughts on parenting and life with two little girls…
-It’s been almost six years since I’ve been on a 80% work schedule, and for a long time my Fridays – designed to be totally uninterrupted time with the girls - felt like a kind of mini-vacation. In recent months, though, my Fridays have started to fill up with appointments, errands, paperwork and lots of driving (some days I find myself taking three separate trips to school or camp); they don’t feel as much like “time off” anymore. I don’t mean to complain – I’m still eternally grateful that I’ve had this schedule – but I do sometimes long for those days when the only thing on my Friday agenda was a playdate or a stroll around the neighborhood with my baby.
-Speaking of all the running around: Right before we went to Phoenix I was feeling super drained. My physical exhaustion – from newborn-induced sleep deprivation – is long gone, but the emotional exhaustion seems to be sticking around. I thought it would get easier (i.e. I would feel less tired) as the kids get older – but I’m slowing realizing that might not be the case. On most days, I feel like there is more work to do with older kids, not less. (Why didn’t anyone ever tell me??)
-A friend with older girls once told me that she made a mistake when she was younger by always getting involved with their disagreements. Her words have stuck with me ever since, and so I try to be somewhat hands-off when it comes to the girls’ conflicts. When, for example, Avery runs up to me and says, “Zoe took (X) from me,” I tell her that she needs to work it out with her sister. And if they’re fighting over a toy, I usually tell both of them that they need to come up with some sort of resolution or they won’t be able to play with that toy anymore. This isn’t an easy thing to do, and it’s not always appropriate (if one of the girls does something more serious, like pushes or hits, I’ll intervene right away), but I’m hoping it will teach the girls conflict-resolution skills and prevent them from putting me in the middle of (more serious) argument when they’re teenagers.
-There are many things I don’t do right, but one thing I’m proud of is the fact that we rarely (never) use TV as a babysitter. (Our kids, in fact, don’t watch that much TV; I was shocked when I read just how much this differs from other kids.) It can be really tempting, especially after a long/bad day, to turn on the TV and divert the kids’ attention away from you, but I’ve just never gotten into the habit. I’d rather have them doing a craft project on their own, or even playing together and bickering (see above)…
-A few weeks ago I was sitting in our front room when I heard Zoe shout from the other room, “Don’t do that! That’s really bad!” I assumed she was talking to her sister and got up to see what was going on, and I was surprised to discover Zoe was talking to her “stuffies,” not her sister. It turns out she was just playing Mommy, and her tone and words got me to thinking. Is that what I sound like? Should I perhaps be more gentle when talking with (and reprimanding) the girls? Leave it to a kid to provide a reality check!
-M