I headed back to work yesterday, and I’ll be honest: it was harder than I thought. Though I had missed lots of things about my job over the summer, and though I had plenty of time to psych myself up for the return, I really struggled with saying good-bye to Avery and heading to Palo Alto. (“Did you cry this morning?” the director of my office – and a father of two – sweetly asked me yesterday. I felt no shame in admitting that I had.) I was actually more sad than I was when I returned to work after Zoe, and I think it’s for a variety of reasons. Q and I have done a division of labor with the kids lately – with him caring mostly for Zoe and me mostly for Avery – and so I feel more bonded to Avery than I did to Zoe when she was an infant. I also assume this is our last child, and so I’m extra emotional when thinking of being away from Avery and missing out on those special, last (to us) baby moments. And I’m finding it challenging to transition from this amazingly wonderful chapter in my life (childbirth, bonding time, etc.) to the “real world” of office life, a commute, and the home/work juggle.

With that said, it was only my first day back – and I need to give myself a bit of time to adjust! As Q reminded me, our new routine will soon feel normal and right – and it won’t feel so sad and disruptive to leave Avery. It also helps to know that the girls are happy and being taken good care of when I’m away: Zoe is still enjoying preschool (she didn’t even seem to mind that I picked her up late in the day yesterday), and Elena reported that Avery had a pretty good first day. (She was certainly my same smiley, baby when she got home!) As with other big changes we’ve experienced: all will be fine. And it will get easier!