Prompted by some less-than-pleasant interactions with Zoe, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the age of seven. To be honest, it’s not my favorite.
I don’t have much experience with kids, so I was taken aback when Zoe – shortly after turning seven – started exhibiting behavior that in my mind is more closely associated with pre-teens or teenagers. Door shutting, heavy sighing, declarations of “I want to be alone right now” and “You just don’t understand, Mom!” – those sorts of things. I wasn’t initially sure how to respond to this behavior (which seemed so out of character for her), and – as I mentioned here a few weeks ago - I quickly found out that the disciplinary tactics that once used to work with Zoe no longer do. I also started taking Zoe’s actions personally – thinking they meant that she no longer liked me or needed me that much.
During one of several talks about her, Q suggested that much of Zoe’s outbursts involve her need for independence – she’s older now and doesn’t want to be told what to do. He wasn’t making excuses for her – it’s not right for her to be disrespectful or mean regardless of the reason – but he was saying that if we gave her a little more space and freedom in certain areas, we would probably see a difference in her mood and attitude. And, so, I’ve been trying to give her some space, let her do more things on her own, without my hovering or interfering – and I have seen a bit of a difference.
Backing off from Zoe doesn’t come naturally to me. I want to still pick out her clothes every morning, and I don’t want to be told she’s too busy to talk because she wants to read a book in her room. (I miss her!) But when I see how happy it makes her to, for example, make her bed in the morning without my asking, I know that letting go a bit is what I need to do. And maybe after I get used to it, I’ll really like seven!
-M