As mentioned below, Avery and her fourth-grade classmates have spent the last few months preparing for their tefillah. Though this year’s service featured traditional prayers and songs, the kids also spent time talking about specific Jewish values and what they meant to them; Avery’s was chased (kindness) and she gave a brief presentation on it on the bimah.

Tefillah is an annual tradition at Brandeis and this year I was struck by how much these kids have grown up – they practically look like grown ups when compared to how they looked at their big one in first grade! And they were also really poised and confident as they spoke about their values – no shaky voices here!

-M

It’s been a while since I’ve written! Things at my work have been incredibly hectic, giving me less time to write (and to think about things to write about), but in general we’re all just swimming along…

Second semester is in full groove for the girls, and Zoe in particular has a lot going on. She recently added two things to her plate at school — newspaper club (where she’s working on producing the Brandeis Bulletin) and basketball (her first game is in a few weeks) — and she’s practicing for her second bat mitzvah, which is happening a week after her 13th birthday in November. Avery, meanwhile, has been working hard with her fellow fourth graders to get ready for their tefilah (prayer service), a big annual event that’s happening in a few days. More on that soon!

-M

During a recent day off of school, when Q and Zoe were off doing something else, Avery and I headed to one of our favorite restaurant spots for brunch. We’ve been there before; Avery calls it “our spot” and often asks if just the two of us can go.

It makes me happy to think of the little one wanting to spend one-on-one time with me and I love that we have our own place. But I had to smile and shake my head when I heard her talking to Q afterwards and discovering it’s not just the company she likes – but the fact I let her get the Nutella banana pancakes!

-M

A few weeks ago the four of us went to a Jewish Art Show at a local synagogue. Not only did Q and I fall in love with (and ultimately buy) a painting by Israeli artist Slava Ilyayev, but Zoe discovered a piece she had to have herself. Called “Bat Mitzvah,” the painting is one of many that, in the artist Peter’G’s words, “introduces us into the magical mystery of Jerusalem… through the eyes of a child.”

It’s the first piece of art that Zoe bought on her own, and she and her dad got it framed and proudly hung it up in her room this weekend.

-M

We’ve all been doing pretty well health-wise this winter, but Avery came down with a bug – headache, sore throat, cough – that kept her home from school for a few days last week. (It also got passed along to me, but that’s a different post.) While home, since I needed to work, she spent much of her time playing games on her tablet.

When I put her to bed one of those nights I told her I know she hadn’t been feeling well and needed to relax, but it bothered me that she hadn’t done anything productive that day. And, then:

A: “What’s productive mean again?”

M: “Something meaningful and something good for your brain.”

A: “Well, I did learn a new word today.”

M: “Oh, good. What?”

A: “Productive.”

(Classic Avery)

-M

For the last ten years+ we’ve celebrated Q’s birthday at the race track. We wound up doing it a bit after the fact this year (and we weren’t able to go down to the track and meet one of the winning jockeys like in years past), but we still upheld tradition!

-M

About ten months ago, during what would be the last time I ever talked to her, my mom told me about a new book for pre-teen girls that she had heard about on TV. “Growing up these days is hard,” she said and suggested I get it for the girls. I would, I told her (the topic was right up my feminist alley) but I didn’t think much of it until a few days after the funeral, when I opened up their mailbox… and found the book inside. It turns out she had ordered it – likely to read herself and then to hand over to us – the night before their accident.

Opening that package remains one of my most bittersweet memories ever, and when I came home after the funeral I brought with me not only the book but the Amazon box it came in. Both book and box then sat on my shelf for many, many months (I wasn’t ready to read it) but a few months ago I read a little to the girls and then handed it over to Zoe to read on her own.

To me, The Confidence Code is a reminder of my mom’s love for her granddaughters and her desire for them to be confident and strong. And when I see Zoe reading it, as she did the other night, it makes me smile – not cry.

-M

Another year, another Super Bowl party! This year, we had only a very small gathering, but it featured some firsts: first time using our inflatable football-themed cooler (guess who picked it out?) and first time Maddie attending (and look what she was wearing)! We all had a good time, aside from the boring game and its outcome, but Zoe pointed out the night before that our annual tradition isn’t just about the day of. “I love having our party,” she told me as she made artichoke dip on Saturday, “but, honestly, the most fun part is getting ready and cooking.”

-M

January was a very rainy time here in San Francisco – especially the beginning of the month. The sitter who watched Maddie for us when we were gone reported that Maddie (and the other dogs) had no interest in going out in the rain, and indeed we saw that firsthand upon our return. Let’s just say getting her to go outside some days was a challenge!

We all breathed a sigh of relief when we got a break from the cloudy skies, and Avery and I took advantage of the sun and took the dog to a few new parks. Maddie loved running around with her sister – and when Avery left her to go to the playground (a dog-free zone) at one point Maddie didn’t want to play. She instead just sat watching her and waiting patiently.

-M

I love these photos of Avery and her best friend, Mila from earlier this month. As soon as they got back from break the teachers put them to work, and here they were working on a story for an upcoming musical performance. As explained in the school newsletter:

As inspiration, the class is using the book The Day the Crayons Quit and rewriting the letters from each crayon in the context of the Seven Ways We Learn and Work Together at Brandeis. The story of The Day the Crayons Quit includes letters from different colored crayons that feel their owner is either overusing or underusing their color. “The book provides a great framework for discussing the seven ways, and ultimately will help the fourth graders create a musical performance with the seven ways at its core,” says Ms. Lostetter…

For example, two students [M’s note: Avery and Mila] wrote a letter from the perspective of the pink crayon and in the context of the first of the seven ways, “Act with Kindness”: “Pink crayon here. I’m a boy, by the way. When I’m being used, black crayon is always making fun of me for wearing pink because I’m a boy. I feel like I don’t get used because I’m a pink crayon and a boy and people think that only girls can use me. I’m going to stand up to them and say, ‘I like pink, pink is my color, and I’m never going to be ashamed of who I am.” 

M

Our vacation, overall, couldn’t have come at a better time. My work had gotten really crazy and, after eight months of grieving, I needed a bit of light in life. And though we all loved the places we visited, our time away was more than the gorgeous sites: As I wrote on my Instagram, the uninterrupted family time was what made it most special!

This photo of me and Zoe – taken at a cute little Madrid spot that, strangely, had erotic paintings on its walls – captures what I’m talking about. Just sitting and talking and laughing with my girls… I really needed that!

-M

The last two days of our trip to Madrid meant more exploring, including visits to the Royal Palace, a fancy (and delicious) indoor market, and a famous flea market. And we checked off another item on the Spain must-do list: a flamenco show! It was an amazing trip overall, and Q and I both agree we would go back someday.

-M

The girls and I had never been to Spain and, since Q had visited Barcelona only, we decided to make a quick trip to Madrid after leaving Israel. The weather was chilly but everything else about our four-day visit was about perfect: The city is lovely and clean and walkable, the people are friendly, the shopping is terrific. And, of course, there was tons to see.

We spent our first day exploring the city, shopping (warm hats, scarves and gloves for us girls!), and sampling a Madrid must-have: hot chocolate and churros. The next day we did more exploring, spent a lot of time at a fun center-of-the city playground and visited Museo Nacional Thyssen-Bornemisza, a museum with tons of Impressionist paintings (for me and Zoe) and several Dalis (for Q). Even Avery, who considers museums “boring,” enjoyed herself.

-M

As mentioned below, we went to the Dead Sea towards the end of the trip. We got there on New Year’s Eve after our Masada hike, and with the beach all to ourselves, Q and the girls joined our friends in taking a dip in the water. (It was much too cold for me, so I just watched and took photos.) The only other time we took the girls there was during the summer – and this was a much better time to visit.

The next morning Q got the idea to head back to the beach to watch the sun rise; shortly after 6:30 AM the four of us flung on our clothes and flew out our hotel room to make it across the street on time. The still water and dawn sky were gorgeous, and our time together was one of our favorite moments of the trip. It’s also one of the most memorable New Year’s I’ve had, and it had extra special meaning to me as I reflected on all that had happened months before. As I wrote on my Instagram:

We bid good bye to 2018 by standing at the Dead Sea gazing at the stars, and we greeted 2019 by watching the sun rise in the same spot. Being so far away from home – and from where everything happened last spring – felt a little strange on this holiday, but also somewhat appropriate. The beautiful and peaceful spot reminded me that the world is bigger than me and my grief – and that no matter what happens, the sun continues to rise…

-M

The last time we visited Israel, it was so hot that we couldn’t possibly go to Masada (where the sun pounds down on you and there’s barely any shade). But December is a perfect time to visit – so we planned a trip there, as well as to the Dead Sea and Ein Gedi National Park, with good friends from school who recently moved to Israel.

Our trip included lunch at a random pizza place between Tel Aviv and Masada that was referred to as a “must stop” by TripAdvisor (it really was quite good), a stop for a sheep crossing, and a nighttime dip in the sea (photos of that coming separately). And when we were on top of Masada (which I hope impressed the girls) I told Zoe, “The next time you’re probably going to be here is during your eighth grade trip with the school. I hope you’ll think of us.”

-M