We had a low-key holiday this year, with a traditional dinner at home with the four of us (I made my mom’s dressing and a pie; Q prepared everything else) – followed by the Redskins game and some pre-Black Friday shopping.

I had kind of been dreading Thanksgiving, given that last year we were with my parents (it was actually the last time the eight of us were all together) and that it’s not often easy to feel thankful when you’re grieving. But I woke up and, perhaps channeling my (ever-positive) mom, felt okay. As I wrote on my Instagram:

While part of me wants to ignore this year’s holiday out of protest and sadness, a larger part recognizes I still have a lot to be thankful for. And so today, in between bites of turkey and stuffing (my mom’s recipe, of course), I will try to focus on the “good stuff”: that we had such wonderful parents in the first place, that I have enough happy memories (from last year and others) to last a lifetime, that I have a happy & healthy family and a so-called grief dog that brings me joy every day, and that I have people in my life (including my sister and BFF) who are here for me unconditionally and helped me survive the worst year of my life. For those things, despite everything, I am blessed. 💕

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

-M

A few more photos from our Washington trip, which – as you’ll see – was all about family time.

-M

A few photos – and a video – from Zoe’s big day. We didn’t get as many photos from that day as I had hoped, but there’s always next year! And I have plenty of strong and happy memories from what we’re calling her East Coast bat mitzvah: of family filtering in to the service that morning with big smiles, of Zoe confidently reciting her portions and ending her speech with a cheerful “Shabbat Shalom!”, of Avery and Isaac holding hands in service and carefully preparing the candies that were thrown at Zoe after she read from the Torah, and of everyone dancing and celebrating at the party Pop Pop and Safta threw later that evening. What a day…

-M

Also on Zoe’s (and Avery’s!) to-do list before the bat mitzvah: some salon time. Neither one had gotten their hair done before, and they loved the process and results.

-M

As most readers know, Zoe decided to have two bat mitzvahs: one at home and the other at the synagogue where her dad and Pop Pop were bar mitzvah’d and where the girls had their baby naming ceremony. For her DC one she would need to do work from afar, and so every Thursday afternoon for the last 10 months or so, she practiced with the cantor via video chat.

We flew to DC a few days prior to the big event, and on Thursday she was able to practice IRL – with her Pop Pop as the audience.

-M

Look what’s happening today??

-M

And just like that, Zoe’s cross-country championship season is over. She has been practicing 3-4 times/week since last August, and she competed in four meets. The city-wide championship was held last week, and Zoe came in 37th place out of 150+ girls. Most excitingly, she shaved 20 seconds off last year’s time, coming in at 10:17.

-M

Last month Zoe’s Jewish Studies teacher assigned a project about “pursuers of peace;” the sixth graders were tasked with selecting someone and having a family member choose someone as well. These could be well-known people who have made great contributions to the world – like Nelson Mandela (Q’s pick), Ghandi or Martin Luther King Jr. – or someone close to the person. Without my prompting (or even knowing) Zoe selected my mom – and we both agreed that she represents peace in the home.

“I chose her because she was strong but gentle,” Zoe wrote in part. “She was patient and very sweet… She was a model of a great mom and I hope to somebody be like her.”

-M

This was Maddie’s first Halloween with us, and it didn’t disappoint. She trick or treated on West Portal Ave. with the girls and their friends (despite being a bit freaked out by the mobs of kids and the Munis), and then entered the pet costume competition. She wound up winning; I guess it was the purple outfit and the fact that she (unintentionally) matched Zoe that won the judges over!

-M

Our Halloween looked about the same as in years past:  The girls (accompanied by a friend) hit up the West Portal businesses for candy right after school and, after a break, gave out candy here and did some more trick or treating in the neighborhood. Three big differences: Maddie joined them for trick or treating, the girls wound up having a major candy swap with friends just before bedtime, and Avery’s night almost ended in a police car. :)

-M

Just as I haven’t written too much about grieving over the last six months (opting instead to keep it light and share mostly happy photos and stories) I also haven’t addressed other things happening in the world. It feels strange and wrong, though, to not talk about Pittsburgh.

I don’t have to elaborate on how horrific and tragic the event was, because I know anyone reading this understands and agrees. But what happened feels so very personal – not only because it was an act of hatred towards a community that we belong to and a reminder that people out there despise my children and other loved ones for absolutely no reason, but because I can’t help but think about the family members of those who were killed. My parents weren’t brutally murdered, and my sister and I weren’t ambushed with media stories about what happened, but I do know how it feels to lose someone suddenly and randomly. (“Life can change with a blink of the eye,” my dad used to tell us – and how right he was.) And it has made my personal grief and heartache that much more potent these past few days.

As for the girls, I’ve long believed in protecting them from life’s cruelties (without, of course, keeping them in a bubble) – and we have a pretty good understanding of what kinds of information each one can handle. In Avery’s case, I told her a bad person did something very bad to people in a synagogue, and our community was collectively mourning. Zoe, meanwhile, heard more of what happened - a Shabbat service, a man with a gun, many deaths – but wasn’t told much more in terms of motives or details (though, knowing Zoe, she was able to fill in the blanks).

At the girls’ school, the 3rd-5th graders will be singing prayers for healing and peace during their weekly prayer service on Thursday, and the middle schoolers had a special assembly to mark the event and honor the victims on Monday morning. The parents were sent the slides that the children saw, and I found this particular part beautiful, and comforting:

Gesher Tsar Me-od

The whole world

is a very narrow bridge.

And the most important part

is not to be afraid.

-M

We went to two Halloween parties over the weekend. Here, a few photos.

-M

The girls are aging out of some Halloween and pre-Halloween activities – but they indulged me by stopping at a small pumpkin patch near our house the other day.

The funniest moment: After asking the girls to pose for a photo, I told Zoe, “Look, in a year or two you’re going to say ‘no’ when I ask you to do this stuff.” She looked at me and (half-jokingly) said, “I already did say no.”

(We took the photo anyway.)

-M

Speaking of bashes, here are a few pics from the girls and their friends at a recent Halloween soiree. (They’re dark, but you get the idea!)

-M

Remember the party invite I mentioned the other day? The big birthday/Halloween bash was held over the weekend, complete with a light show, dance party (not shown) and cookies.

-M